Holderness Vows to Enforce Fair Dress Code

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Early Monday morning, Ms. Weymouth sent out an email announcing a plan to fundamentally revise the dress code to not only create fair standards of dress across genders but also to regulate and punish violations fairly. Students will have a voice in setting the new standards and enforcing them. This follows a somewhat eventful month in the history of this institution.


Discontent with the dress code had been building for some time.  There was outrage from many male students at the leeway given to females in terms of dress, while they had to follow strict standards. A sophomore boy, who wants to remain anonymous due to fear of both the administration and girls,  said “honestly it just teaches boys to follow the rules and girls to break them.” Many female students have found issues in the past years, feeling that their wardrobe was part of their identity and therefore they should be able to wear whatever they wanted. “I just wanna look like everyone else — but more so,” said one girl who asked not to be identified. Many girls realize that their shoulders are very provocative and obviously extremely distracting, but they have confidence that the boys can learn to control themselves and leave the girls free to wear whatever they choose.


The student body finally began to take action for this cause after an incident that occurred a few weeks ago. Jenny Herrick, a junior, was on her way to the second class of the day when she passed Ms. Weymouth’s office.  Ms. Weymouth called out to her to step into her office briefly. She then proceeded to inform Herrick that she was not in compliance with the dress code as found on pg. 26 line 8 of the student handbook and should “consider more fabric.” Ms. Weymouth then announced Herrick must take off the dress, as it was too short to even consider attending class in. Herrick than proceeded to take off the dress right there in the entrance of Ms. Weymouth’s office before continuing on her way to class. In response to this bold statement, Sam Shinn wrote a scathing email to Ms. Weymouth stating that the whole school would partake in a nude protest if the rules were not changed promptly and adequately.


Feeling as if they were losing control of the student body, the administration decided to review the entire system, and kicked off this process by hiring as a consultant  the CEO of a Fortune 500 company who had recent experience with enforcing a dress code policy. Oscar Munoz, CEO of United Airlines, got right down to business. He began by drawing up a 500 page pamphlet of rules and regulations in size 4 font — just like the rules of carriage on airlines. In response to questions about the microscopic size of the text, he explained that no one could ever sue them for being arbitrary as they could simply get a magnifying glass and show where in the rules the aggrieved party was in the wrong.


However, this new code was short-lived.  Someone actually bothered to read it, and found out that it strictly outlawed leggings. The administration realized that this would leave 98% of female students with nothing to wear, and asked him to come up with something simpler. His next step was creating a foolproof formula for dress code requirements. After multiple meetings between administration and the consultant and final approval by the board of trustees the formula has been enacted as follows: weight (lbs) x height (feet) – 4 x GPA x weight of backpack (lbs) = square inches of fabric that must be worn. This rule was put into effect over the weekend, to be effective Monday.


However, in response to this strict crack down by the school, Sam Shinn was seen streaking across the quad early Monday morning on her way to class in schoolhouse —  carrying an extremely large umbrella and wearing a 10 foot long scarf. When the administration inquired of Munoz how they should react, he was outraged and said “call the police to drag her out of her seat.”


Realizing that a new approach is required, the administration will seek student input into the next code revision. The SAD (Student Advisory on Dress) panel will meet every day, Monday through Friday from 8:00 am until 5:00 pm,  during the months of July and August.  All students are welcome to participate, but must agree to attend all panel meetings.