The Picador

Filed under Satire

Puppet Master Found Living in Head’s House Basement

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“The most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen,” says student who accidentally stumbled upon a 300-year-old man in Mr. Peck’s basement. He claims he was following strange whispers at Brownie Night when he came upon the ghoul huddled in a corner whispering “Character, Curiousity, Community” over and over again. When Mr. Peck was questioned about the incident he merely responded, “he’s getting stronger.”

 

In order to protect the student body from this new and strange threat one of our researchers put their life on the line to study the creature himself. This is what we learned.

 

Mr. Holderness is only approachable in a very, very particular way: if you walk down the basement stairs, holding a brownie in your right hand and an open flame in your left, and sing “Lean on Me,” you will hear him answer your call with “When you’re not strong.” He will then engage you in a ballad, and you, too, will join Mr. Peck in his wide collection of human puppets. After that there is no hope for you.

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